Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
