is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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