why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
