Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize