I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
