so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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