the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
