Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
