Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize