help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
