thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ttyl tear gas
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
