Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
