I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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