I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Banned from zoo.
Again?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
