I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Alive.
So much puke
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
