dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
