maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
