"it" just moved
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize