At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
