Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
