Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
