I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
