its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i came on her dog
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
