Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
