What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
