I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
