peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
