Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
