I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
