so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
