I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
