I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
