"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
