I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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