Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
whose parrot is this?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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