Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
