Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
