Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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