I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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