The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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