remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize