...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
