Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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