god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
tell me about the eggs
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
