Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
