You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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