who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
