Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
