You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
