Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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