Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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