but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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