Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
