they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
