I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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