can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
try to milk me bitch
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