yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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