why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
