My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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