and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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