she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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