Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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