there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
