I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
