So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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