Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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