im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
