I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
